I spent a week on tinder without an agenda
Being confined indoors due to a pandemic makes a person do strange things. The sheer boredom of yet another weekend indoors made me download Tinder. I’m 23, single, and I sure wouldn’t mind dating. I’m also in no hurry and I certainly don’t have the temperament for anything casual. So what I was doing on the app, I had no clue.
The first thing that struck me was how ruthless Tinder is. Swiping left or right to reject or accept someone seems so dehumanising. Either way, boredom trumped my apprehension and I began swiping. I swiped right on any profiles I found interesting, or curious, quite unmindful of whether I’d date the person. If you know me, you know that nothing excites me more than an interesting (and suitably informative) conversation.
As a girl, I’ve had a fair share of unwanted people messaging me on Facebook or even Linkedin, “Hw r u dear?”. You know the type. It’s a running joke that if you’re enterprising enough, any app can be a dating app.
Here’s my counter to that:
If you’re creative enough, a dating app can be any app
Here are the various roles that tinder played for me over the course of one week:
A philosophy discussion forum
The first long conversation I had on tinder was with someone I had swiped right on because his bio said that he “disrupts perfectly normal conversations with random facts”. (Told you, I swipe for unconventional reasons).
Surprisingly, he opened the conversation asking about my thoughts on nihilism, owing to my interest in philosophy. A few messages later, I’d not only learnt what nihilism means, but also that I might indeed be a nihilist after all. I suppose when you’re ready, the teacher finds you!
… which turned into a Computational Fluid Dynamics discussion forum
As if it wasn’t enough that I’d had an hour-long chat about philosophical schools of thought on a dating app, we somehow segued into talking about our education, which is in similar fields, and through some inexplicable alignment of the stars we began exchanging notes on the highly specialised field of computational fluid dynamics, a subject that we both hold dear (or in my case, not so dear). In fact, we still exchange memes on the subject.This may not be what Tinder is meant for, but I’m not complaining!
An express life lesson
I swiped right on a guy for what I thought was a sense of humour (“I’m not a creep”, his bio stated). Two days later, he’d sent to me unsolicited, a video of a girl reciting some kind of poetry.
She was speaking about her affection for the man she loved, but it was just thinly veiled obsession. At one point in the video, she spoke of wanting to tape his eyes open and of gagging him so he would never take his eyes and attention off her. Yikes!
I thought my ‘non creepy’ match sent it as a joke, but it turns out this woman’s rather unhealthy and creepy idea of romantic love was aligned with his own, and he proceeded to passionately argue with me about it. So, ladies, if his bio says he’s “not a creep”, it’s not because he isn’t a creep, it’s because people have wondered in the past and he’s had to explain. A handy life lesson indeed.
Some of my matches, including Mr. Express Life Lesson above, forgot all about ‘dating’ me when they found out that I’m headed to business school. All of a sudden, the agenda changed to exam prep, exam cut-offs, essay tips, career plans, and everything else for which a prospective MBA candidate approaches students of their target college.
Life Lesson #2
One man on tinder had spent his precious superlike on me, so I expected that he was quite interested in getting to know me. Imagine my surprise when he mentioned within the first few messages that he is already seeing someone who he met on the app! The things people do….
I was curious about why he was still on tinder, and it wasn’t polyamory (I asked). He said it’s to meet different kinds of people. I wonder why he doesn’t use other social media platforms to socialize instead.
A Google Local Guide
While chatting with one of my matches, I was at my extroverted best, cue tons of lighthearted jokes. It was very enjoyable (side note - Tinder is easier when you’re outgoing and laidback). Before discussing the logistics of meeting up, I decided to get some clarity about expectations. He was forthright about wanting something casual, and I didn’t. The honesty was refreshing.
He is new in town at a very unusual time though, so I said I’d be happy to help familiarise him with the city. Ended up recommending some good restaurants (better than a google local guide, I promise!) and that was that.
Overall, most of the guys I matched with on Tinder were good people. But they were either unable to present their best selves via social media, or they were swiping right on everyone. Tinder can be cruel to men that way. Some others just wanted different things than I did.
For all the girls out there looking for something serious(or casual) on Tinder, here’s my advice: The ratio of men to women is very high on the app, so nearly every right swipe becomes a match. Once you have 2–3 matches, “Stop swiping, start talking”. Otherwise it can get quite overwhelming.
While I did have a few good conversations (about science, philosophy and career planning) on Tinder, the app does not seem to be my kind of place, and after a rather interesting week on it, I’ve had enough. It was fun, but goodbye Tinder!
